Trying Times

Still struggling with the emotional up and down roller coaster of life.

Well today a good friend informed she was about to hop into a situation with a not so great guy who just so happens to be one of the reasons I was bummed today, a boy from my past.

Dealing with the consequences of sins, is hard. It's supposed to be this I know, but I almost feel like my consequences aren't as severe as they should be. As in it's hard because I feel like I deserve worse.

Still having a hard time forgiving myself, and today I've felt very numb. Very despondent, not close with God.

A very good friend told me to openly talk to God.
God has forgiven, but why do I struggle?

I'm very glad I was able to warn my friend about this guy. I didn't want to talk bad about him, because we are still friends; however, I feel God has placed me in my position now to be a witness to those who might be tempted to "play in the fire" that I once got burned in.

I prayed God would help me feel close to someone, the boy hasn't been around, things are rough and I feel very lonely. Not loved. God answered my prayer by helping me provide advice to this dear Christain friend of mine. I love it when the Lord uses me for His will. I love when the Lord uses my life, even my past, to encourage others.

I'm starting to relize that maybe God is using my witness as a ministry to others already.
I'm learning to trust and love other female friends, and to not run to "guys" to find love. God has provided me with the most fulfilling love there is.

I'm still struggling and don't want to be sad anymore. I know I'm scattered today. It's just everything that's been going through my mind, I forced my self to post. Once I write down my troublesome thoughts God always brings me to relization that He is there and it's the enemy trying to control and feed my flesh.

God gave me this as I prayed this morning:

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. "

Ephsians 6:10-18

I pray I am clothed in the full armor of God so that I may be able to resist temptation and stand firm in faith.

With Love and Heart that burns for the Lord,
A.M.