Reserved.

" For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and be united with his wife, and they will become one flesh." - Gen. 2:24

This weekend was full of love, joy, and mixed emotions. My best friend got married, and it was surely one of the most God written weddings I have ever been to. It was so pure, and lovely you could just feel God presence on that day. When we woke up it was raining. Angela turned to my side, and said "I'm trying not to think about it." I prayed for the first hour of the morning, and God blessed the day. the clouds parted, and the sun shined so bright. Everything was completed on time, and before we knew it guests started to arrive. God's hand was in this from beginning to end.

Although many things happened this weekend, I can not let the few bad things (in the midst of our celebration) take the joy away that God has given me. No matter what. I have been learning a lot about myself as of late.

God has been showing me, as He reveals Himself to me, and He unravels my own self. I'm learning things. My whole life, especially the later days, I've been left in the cold. Not many people stick around to get to know the real me. Part of why I get heart broken so easily is I'm reserved to a point, and no one can quite stick around long enough to get to know the real me. Mostly friends, even my family, and all other relationships. I consistently feel like the ones I love or care about, leave me (physically and emotionally). As hard as this most of the time, I'm beginning to understand it. It just means that all my true friends are that much more true. I know no one will stick around that isn't worth my time, and I guess that makes it easier. The ones worth it, will be around long enough to care. I'm looking forward to it. As hard as it is always be left out, always being forgotten, One will never forget me.

I feel so alone as of late, constantly being pressured to open up to everyone, drives me crazy. I appreciate it when people take the time, and let me be myself slowly. I don't want to get hurt, so I'm not completely open to anyone at first. I feel like so many people have just given up, and walk away with out trying or waiting. No one cares to stick around long enough, it's frusterating. I know being reserved for me right now, it's for the very best. Maybe being alone is exactly what I need. I'm enjoying getting to know the Lord, and spending my days with Him. Learning about Him.

"and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. He who receives you receives me, and he who receives me receives the one who sent me." - Matt. 10: 38-40