Valley of the Shadow of Death: Rescued by a Knight

Last night one of the hardest nights I've had to face in a long time.

I haven't felt so tried, and tempted. So upset, and disgusted. In so much emotional torment and pain, since I can even remember.

A few months back God called me, God called me to follow Him 100% fully. To give up the life I had been living, which by no means was like how I used to live, but wasn't in total set apart commitment to him. He asked me to give up the one relationship (which he coincidentally used that very thing to lead me to Him!) I cared about. He asked me to abandon the life I so enjoyed. To walk away from the very crowd of people I felt most comfort in, and to walk into Him. I had to leave the "music scene" and the touring and the friends I had established. The connections, and the parties. After struggles , and pain. I did. I came to a time, where my only option was to walk away. He had taken so many distractions away, and I suffered largely for not fully obeying at first. He did bless me though. Abundantly! He replaced those meaningless friendships, with friends that lead me closer to Him everyday. He replaced that relationship with a desire to love Him more.

Last night, after months of being a part from those trials, a part from that very crowd I was told to walk away from; I had to face them all. Not just one group or person, but everyone all at once. Old flings, old party buddies, every crew and group I was once a part of.

I heard whispers, I saw looks, I experienced a kind of emotion and pain I haven't felt since I was in high school...but it was worse. I was laughed at, and scowled at....I walked through the hallway of that venue last night, and inwardly wanted to crawl into a dark hole. I felt so alone, like I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Literally. It was the most awful experience.

The enemy used it greatly to tempt me. I was part tempted to join in and start parting...to pretend to be numb to all the pain. To take out revenge on the evil glares, and give them right back. To spit out words of pain and disdain in order to rectify myself. I didn't. I simply took it all in. I did feel anger and hate, and expressed that to the REAL Christ following friends that surrounded me. I could have been more graceful, I should have not let it consume my thoughts. If I was more spiritually prepared ( I should have been) it would have been a much different experience.

Going home last night, I just wanted to feel nothing. Every weight, every burden consumed me. I felt like a part of me was dieing. I just wanted it to all go away.

After a long phone conversation with a dear friend (of whom went through exactly this a few nights back) she encouraged me. She read me an email someone had sent to her. Which basically stated; sometimes God puts us in those positions to stretch us. To guide us closer to him. To see if we really will give every desire, every will, every aspect of our lives to him.

In order to have a more intimate relationship with God we must willing to "walk through the shadow of the valley of death" and know that those times will come. If we willingly obey, and resist those temptations, He will guide us.

Psalm 23 speaks just that:

"The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."

Psalm 37:4-5 Tells us what comes from obedience:

" Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desire of your heart. COMMIT your ways to the Lord and TRUST Him and He will do this"

I think the most awesome part about this is when we do fully commit ourselves, He changes our hearts. Soon our hearts desires are for His will...and He will work abundantly through us!

Even though I woke up miserable, and upset, and spiritually starving, God used anything and everything around me to comfort me. He truly filled me back up. With words of encouragement, and even conviction, I know walking away last night was good. Even though I felt more alone, and scared then I ever have before...He was still there, and He is here now.

I have commited to a different life, to a life set aside for the kingdom of heaven, and eventhough more times like this will come. I know God is holy, and owe Him my very obediance and desire to live for Him.

Praise Him for His love, praise Him for His grace, and praise Him for being my true knight in shining armor. He really did sweep me off my feet this morning. For that I am so grateful!